I have always wanted a big family, but I had no idea what it would be like to have 3 girls in 3 years.
After spills, tantrums, booboos, missed naps, uneaten meals, night feedings, diaper changes, and bickering, I feel the heavy weight of these full hands, and sometimes all I can do is cry.
Motherhood can be hard and ugly. Some days the only thing that will help is crawling back into bed, but yet (I have no idea how), I find strength to push on. I wipe noses and cook chicken nuggets and smile.
Some days I don’t even know how I got here. Some days I can’t imagine my life any different. Oh gosh, how I love to wipe those tears and kiss those booboos and scare those monsters away.
Why is the hardest job in the world also the most beautiful?
Why, after begging our kids to go to bed, do we spend the rest of the night staring at pictures of them?
Why would I do it all over again in a heartbeat? Crying and all.
Because with full hands comes a full heart, and a full heart is the best feeling in the whole world.
4 years ago I became a mother. Since then I have been blessed with 3 beautiful girls. I felt this calling to share my story with other moms. I found it therapeutic, but I was also surprised to build a tribe of beautiful mamas from around the world … yes, even you. All different but all the same, we had full hands and full hearts.
When I decided to share my journey of motherhood on The Gray Ruby Diaries, I knew that I couldn’t just share the happy times. I wanted to be real and raw and share what motherhood looked like to me. That meant that it couldn’t be all rainbows and butterflies, but it had to be those days where crying is all I could do, and those moments that I was scared to share. I remember those lonely and scary days after my first was born; all I wanted to know was that I wasn’t alone … that there were moms out there having hard days like me.
If you are that mama having a hard day. If you are reading this and the weight of your hands feels too heavy to bear, you aren’t alone. Those days are so hard here, too, and I hope by sharing my story, you find comfort. This journey is hard and our hands are full, but our hearts are bursting!
Let’s unite and build each other up, because this job is already hard enough, and what we need right now is support.
So mama, if today you have cried more than you smiled, know that you have the biggest heart, a heart full of that special and selfless kind of love, and I hear you loud and clear.
I know those hands are full, but I can see it … yes, I notice, your heart is full, too.